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Clock Tower/Transcript
Video Here ---------------------------------------------------------------\/ in brackets = text not spoken but shown on screen. Jon (VO): It's October. Come on, play it on me! I'm ready! Get out the Draculas! The Frankensteins! The skeletons with a GUN in their hands-Uhhh wait. Hold on a sec. Jon: Maybe scratch that last one. Yeah, I don't think that's a thing. Jacques: Don't forget about the Scissorman. Jon: (gasps)...Not the Scissorman! Jacques: Well I didn't realize you were going to go apeshit. Jon: MM, SCISSORMAN! Jacques: Please stop. Jon (VO): Clock Tower. It's a series best known for the game release on the PlayStation 1, but it actually had its start on the SNES, which most people don't know because it was never released outside of Japan. I've always wanted to try it out, seeing as it is one of the earliest entries into the survival horror genre. Some would say this game pioneered survival horror, but can a SNES game elicit the same kind of terror we associate with such titles as Resident Evil and Silent Hill? Somehow, I doubt it. C L O........W E L Jon: Clock Towel? That's not very scary- L changes to R Jon: OH GOD! starts reading the intro Jon (VO): "Raised in the Granite Orphanage, Jennifer and her friend...friend-se?" Oooh, typos. Already getting scary, "were wanted as adopted daughters." Jon appears Gentleman Jon: Yes, I'd like to adopt the two of them like PUPPIES from a kennel! After all, anything can be bought and sold for the right OIIIL! oil in his hand Jon (VO): "It happened in September..." Aah, a bit of a missed opportunity if I'm sayin' so myself, I mean the-the scary month's just won over. looks at his calendar changes to October Jon: OH, THAT'S THE ONE! continues reading the intro "From now on, what kind of place will we be living in?" "That's the fifth time you('ve) asked!" Jon (VO): Yeah, well maybe it'd be the last time if you just fucking told me! "Don't worry. It's a very nice place. We're almost there. See?" camera shows and zooms in the mansion Jon: Oh, majestic! Jon (VO): Yeah, you know all it's missing I think is just a big ol' sign saying "Definitely. Not. Haunted."-I-I think that'll be an amazing touch. In Clock Tower, you play as Jennifer Simpson, an orphan girl who has just been adopted by a Mr. Barrows. The story picks up as you've just been brought to a secluded and creepy mansion in the woods. Mary Barrows: "I gotta go get Mr. Barrows. Everyone wait here." Barrows begins walking very slowly accompanied by the sound of footsteps Jon (VO): You think you can maybe gimme an ETA on that? Man, this game sure is off to a slow start. begins playing suddenly Jon (VO): OH NO! That can't be good. A musical change like that can only mean one thing! I gotta get outta here! begins hilariously speed-walking for her life Jon (VO): I AIN'T GONNA BE THE FIRST TO DIE, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! attempts to open a door, but it's locked Jon (VO): Ah, locked doors, huh? But I don't know where to go. it becomes dark in the room Jon (VO): Oh, wonderful. The lights went out. Okay, well, I don't know. I guess I'll just try to go up these stairs. begins walking up the stairs slowly Jon (VO): ...even though it's gonna take my entire goddamn life. reaches the top Jon (VO): Okay, yeah, there's nothin' up here. finally switches the lights on Jon (VO): Ohh, look at that! Turned the lights back on! It's almost like we got somewhere. Jon (VO): I have to say, for this era of gaming, there really was nothing with this kind of intense atmosphere. Most horror competitors at the time were just platformers or action games that had spooky themes. Nothing quite got to this level. sudden female scream is heard out of nowhere Jon (VO): Ah, what was that? Well I better hurry and see what just made that bloodcurdling scream. enters the room, only to find girls missing Jon (VO): Oh no. I was too late. Maybe I shoulda ran. Jon (VO): The game works on a cursor system, it's basically like a point and click adventure. I eventually found out that if you double tap, she starts to run, which is nice, cause otherwise, I'd be walking everywhere like that. As you walk around the mansion, crazy events can happen at random, which keeps the tension high. indoor balcony floor right in front of Jennifer suddenly collapses, accompanied with a short scream Jon (VO): WHOAH, okay! Guess I'm glad I was walking this time. Honestly, the lack of a direct input on your character helps add to the feeling of helplessness. It's pretty cool. enters a room with a picture in the background Jon (VO): Aah, yes, there is nothing like a portrait of a skull with no eyes to really bring a home together! Jon: This is actually a, uh, original 'Vincent Van Ghoul'. shows his own portrait of a skull on his wall Jon: People don't come over anymore. Jon (VO): The game also brings itself to life by showing really detailed close-ups of the items you find. Like look at this broken picture of these two kids, the artwork is fantastic! So much terror is portrayed through this angle and lighting, especially for 16-bit graphics, it's genuinely creepy. Jon (VO): Well just cause I'm being haunted, doesn't mean I can't be beautiful! arm suddenly begins strangling Jennifer through the mirror Jackson's Man In The Mirror begins playing Jon's Voice: "I'm being strangled by the man in the mirror, AAAHH!!!" arm turns and pushes Jennifer to the floor, who dies Jon: At least, he had the decency to be delicate! You know what I'm sayin', like SOME ghosts nowadays, too busy to-to float a-a old lady across the street! Jon (VO): Heh, I'm sorry, I-I don't think I can get over this yet. He spins her around and gently pushes her after he's done strangling her! And she just daintily falls... What Even? Jon (VO): Well fine, if you're not gonna be nice, I'll just have myself a refreshing talk with the bird! opens the cage with the bird inside, who then proceeds to attack her Bird: I'll kill you! Jon (VO): OH, GOD! Nope! Eh, please, stop! Are you talkin' to me? Are you sayin' something? Jon: I tissue? Bird: I'll kill you! Jon: I kiss you? Bird: I'll kill you! Jon: I'm near you? Jacques: "I'll kill you". Jon: Ah, not now, Jacques! I'm trying to figure this out! eventually dies Jon: GAAH, you messed me up! Dead from lack a' diction! Jon (VO): I'm gettin' a bit sick of these dead ends, I just want the plot to progress already! Scissorman, along with a dead body of Anne, drops through a glass ceiling right before Jennifer! Jon: Is-s-s-s S-S-S-S-Scissorman! then begins walking straight to Jennifer, who then leaves the room Jon (VO): You know, I'm having second thoughts about this adoption. I-I think I'll give you guys a call. begins running back and forth Jon (VO): OH MY GOD I am outta here!(Switches directions)But then again, that did look like a bit like Angus Young(Switch)But then again, his signatures don't mean anything if I'm DEAD!(Switch)But, you know, I'm a huge AC/DC fan, so I think I'm gonna check one more time just to make sure it wasn't him? last scene Jon (VO): What is this person? Is this actually the main enemy of the game!? After all this time, all this atmosphere, and our nemesis turns out to be JAY LENO IN A SCHOOL BOY'S BODY WITH A SERIOUS CASE OF MOLDY PRUNE FACE?!? And what's he using as a weapon, exactly? Tha-That-That's hedge clippers. We-we're not getting 'round this! Jason had a machete! Freddy had a creepy claw hand! Scissorman? He's got scissors. That's it.-That's the end.-That's where it ends. Jon: Edward Scissorhands, this is Edward Scissorman! enters a garage room Jon (VO): Ah, uh what do I do? Uhh, I-I'd better grab that shovel! No, wait! Get in the car and get outta here! NO! Even better! I'll hide up HERE! climbs up the ladder as soon as Scissorman appears Jon (VO): Heh, ain't no way his stubby legs are climbin' up this ladder! begins leaving Jon (VO): Ha ha ha, that's right! See you later, buddy! soon as Scissorman leaves the room, he suddenly makes a hole in the ceiling, drops down next to Jennifer and kills her Jon: I DID NOT FACTOR IN THE WARP ABILITY! Jon (VO): Alright, let's try this again. This time, goin' straight for the car, no-messin' around. The upstairs? Okay, bad idea, I can see that now. Car, made of steel, let's go! Jennifer: "But... the others..." thinks, as heartbeat sounds play Jon: Fuck it! "drives" away in the car with explosions Jon (VO): As silly as he is, after Scissorman hits the scene, this game becomes ten times as scary. Every room becomes a trap! Every object becomes a game of deadly trial and error! He can appear literally anywhere at any time, so you better be careful because game over is back to the beginning like it is with these old games. That's almost scarier than the monsters! noise of Mr. Barrows eating Jennifer Jon (VO): Other random things can happen, too. opens a meat locker with swarm of bugs inside, who begin crawling across the room Jon (VO): Oh, okay! Well...this is unfortunate. Now I gotta play the rest of the game as PIG PUN-PIG PEN-FRUDDA.-P-FOR-THE-PEANUTS!!! Jennifer: "Picked up some ham." grabs a piece of ham Jon: This'll kill him. walks up to a window Jennifer: "It's a swimming pool." Jon: Actually, that's a window! Jon (VO): Ah, hole in the floor, we meet again! I guess I'll just put this simple wood plank over the top of it! Jennifer: "Just a simple plank of wood." Jon (VO): ...Who are you to judge? Jon (VO): With everything this game does right, it still suffers from a lot of hiccups that old point and click adventures do. For instance, like when you think you've figured out the solution to a puzzle, but the game has decided that that is NOT the way the puzzle is gonna be solved. Which, of course, leads to you having to backtrack and put a piece of ham in your pocket or something.-Just, some obscured tiny object that you paid no mind to. ALL the way on the other side of the map is the key to progressing. Jon (VO): Wouldn't it be funny if someone were like hiding behind the drapes like it was a horror movie or someth- moves the drapes, which reveals the Scissorman hiding Jon (VO): -AAALRIGHT!!! raises and playfully moves his scissors up and down Jon: REALLY? There, Scissorman! W-What are you, fucking seven? Actually, I think you-Actually you are seven, aren't you?-Alright, checks out! Jon (VO): Okay, well maybe I'll just see what's behind THESE drapes, it couldn't be worse than THAT nightmare inducing shit! move aside, revealing a giant, very ugly baby, Dan pretends to vomit candy corn, then laughs Jon: So can I start therapy now, or should I wait for the nightmares to set in? Jon (VO): Eventually, you get to the top of the clock tower and find out that Dan Scissorman- yeh-yes, by the way, his name actually is Dan -REALLY hates the sound of tower bells, er, for some reason. unable to handle the sound of bells, breaks the wooden fence and jumps from a big height Jon (VO): Listen, even if you don't like the sound of bells, that was just a very poor route to take! Also this lady backs off a cliff, cause some birds were botherin' her. Yah. It's her story, folks. Remember that powerful scene from Star Wars where Emperor Palpatine backed off into the Nebulous Void because he was annoyed with some birds? I still cry. and Anne stand in the top of the clock tower and watch the rain Jon (VO): Listen. Next time, YOU'RE gettin' adopted! Gurls logo appears Jon (VO): I'm dead inside forever now! Jon: Ha ha! Man, I mean that was so enveloping!-I almost believed it was real, but, it's all in the spirit of the holiday.-I mean it's good to sit back and remember that scissors don't actually exist!... Oh...wait a second. What's this? picks up a cut out newspaper article Jon: But that's impossible! If scissors don't exist, how did someone clip out this article? It can't be... Scissorman from the first person view enters the room! Jon: OH CRAP! grabs a tape and tapes it to the other side of the room, like a police tape Jon: HA! simply cuts the tape with his scissors Jon: OH NO, that's all I had! slowly approaches Jon Jon: Come on Jon, think, think, THINK! I got it! pulls out a piece of ham Jon: Ham! The harbinger of gout! And a Scissorman's worst friend! makes a few tricks with the ham before throwing it at the Scissorman, which causes him to fall and disappear, killing him. All that's left of him is his coat and his scissors then spins the ham, puts it into his gun holster like a cowboy and gives it a few slaps. Jon then turns to the smoking coat of Scissorman Jon: Looks like you're out to lunch! continues to smoke. Jon blows a gun with his finger Jon: Ha ha ha ha!...Wait a second. Why do I have a gun holster?-I-I don't have a gun! skeleton with a gun in his hand suddenly comes out of the closet, firing a few shots out of it Skeleton: I've got a bone to pick with you! and shoots his gun in full auto Jon: People ha-haven't come over in-in several years. That was the last man, and he's dead now. (Sponsor and outro with "Pumpkin with Face" and skeleton) Category:Transcripts